Back in June, I was going through a particularly rough patch in my life. My writing career had stalled, and I was in a financial and professional crunch. The heat of the New York City summer had arrived in full blast, and simple everyday tasks such as getting a sandwich at the corner deli became sweat-filled infernos of fire and aggravation.
On the third Sunday of the month, I was in Astoria, where I live, doing errands and the usual life maintenance stuff. Shop for food. Check. Pick up the laundry. Check. Stop at the fruit market for watermelon and blueberries. Check. I also had an incredibly intense upper body weightlifting workout at my local New York Sports Club on 38th street and 30th avenue.
When I emerged onto the street from the gym, it was hot as hell. I was super pumped from the workout, with blood coursing through my muscles at a rapid rate. I felt, as I always do after a good workout, like I could tackle an NFL lineman, or stop a mack truck with my bare hands. I probably couldn’t in real life, but who cares, I felt great. Strong. Invincible. The only thing was, it was still blazing hot, and this made me kind of uncomfortable and annoyed. I don’t like hot weather, at all, and the 85 degrees on this day were really stressing me out.
At around 4PM, I went to Sai Organics, a local health food store near the elevated train tracks of the N train at 30th Avenue. I picked up three thinkThin protein bars, a Brownie Crunch, a Creamy Peanut Butter, and a White Chocolate. And I grabbed a portobello mushroom sandwich on a roll.
I exited the store at 31st Street and 30th avenue and made my way across 30th ave underneath the train tracks. As I neared the crosswalk, a livery cab made its way toward me. I crossed with the light and the cab slowed down some but didn’t actually stop. Instead it kept moving toward me.
At that moment something in me snapped. Maybe it was the stress of my failed writing career, my money troubles, or just the unbearable heat combined with all the testosterone flowing through me after the workout. Whatever it was, I was amped the fuck up. I stretched my arms out wide, stared at the South Asian driver, and cursed at him. I don’t remember what I said, exactly, but I think it was along the lines of “fuck you!”
The driver got agitated in return and splayed his arms from inside the car and gestured toward me with his hands. He also yelled loudly, judging by his mouth and expression, but I couldn’t hear it as his windows were closed.
Whatever he was yelling, I had had enough. “Fuck you dude get the fuck out of the car, you want a fucking problem?!” I screamed. And then I cocked my right fist back and put my left fist forward in the classic boxing stance.
He slowed again as he cruised past me, and he gestured slightly as he did so, but he kept the car moving and rolled on down the street. I stared after him for a few seconds, then turned and walked away.
I reflected on what had just happened. It was like I had lost my mind. There was a bubble of violent energy radiating out from me. I was ready to do anything to this guy. I would have fought him in a heartbeat. I would have jumped on him and pounded him until my fists bled blood red I would have crushed him or maybe he would have fucked me up who knows because I can’t really fight but it’s just that I was in such a crazy state I was ready to tear him apart with my talons and fucking exterminate this motherfucker. Jesus. I really lost my mind.
Thank God it didn’t happen, I told myself. It’s just not worth it. I needed to get out of Astoria and travel, and to make some more changes to my life. I just needed to take a trip, and maybe seeing another place and getting out of my little quadrant would help. Because I was like Coiled Fury right now. I was going to explode if I didn’t get out of Queens. So let’s go somewhere, let’s see what happens. Got to go somewhere.
And so I did. It took me nearly two more months, but I finally took that trip, to Seattle actually, to visit my brother Ken. And it was great. My blood pressure went down about a million points. And I didn’t even come close to fighting anyone.
